My First Full Body Massage (But not that kind, you dirty person you!)

I’ve never had a massage before, a real one I mean. I’ve been jealous of Timi when she gets one, of Gillian, even my dad, when they get massages because they all say they’re amazing but for me they are simply too expensive. They’re a luxury beyond my means, but after my first one they’re pretty damn fine.

In Hanoi, there isn’t a shortage of massage parlors. Before coming I heard that massages were cheap and in some cases ‘bonus’ services are offered. My housemate, Benson, has a friend named Rob visiting from Korea. He’s been in Asia for the last six years working and has lived in numerous countries including China, Korea, and Thailand and has pretty much traveled to all other South East Asian countries. After lunch, Rob suggested we get a massage. He warmed me that some places give you, as he called, ‘tug-n-(crap I can’t remember what it was, but it was pretty funny) services beyond your typical massage. I was a bit skeptical because I didn’t want these extra services but I’m pretty sure he did.

After going to several massage parlours we chose one that for sure would not offer the extra services because I told him I didn’t want those. We looked at the price list and a 90 minute full-body massage was less than $9! That’s f-ing cheap if you ask me. We were led to a room where three other people were getting massages already because they did all their massages in a communal room. Everyone appeared asleep. Were they actually sleeping or did they simply feel awkward getting massages with other strangers in the room? That’s like asking how many licks does it take to get to the center of the tootsie roll pop: the world will never know.

The session started with a cup of tea, blue shorts, and a towel. I sat down on my chair-thingy and waited. For what, I wasn’t sure. Apparently the massage was going to start from the feet and go up, so a young Vietnamese woman brought me a foot bath to soak and wash my feet. Boy, am I glad she brought that! My feet at this point were pretty stinky since I’d been walking around all day wearing only flip flops! The water was warm and fragrantly wafted around me from a number of  unknown herbs.

Foot Massage Reflexology Map

Foot Massage Reflexology Map

I must say, there were a few times when the massage was pretty painful. I think she was purposely hitting some type of pressure points. I saw on the wall a map of the body and it’s pressure points and each one was associated with something such as the eyes, the nose, the shoulder, and even the groin. I guess, maybe if they get pressed those regions are cleansed of all the, I don’t know, evil spirits I’ve accumulated over time? Who knows. But she was hitting them purposefully. Despite this, the overall massage was quite pleasant. This woman, who was maybe barely 5 feet tall was beating the shit out of me! Or at least that’s what it felt like. I think my favorite part was the face/head massage. Man does it feel good to have your temples rubbed! Oi!

After all the massaging, the woman did some chiropractic stunts to my back and neck. It was actually quite funny because she was trying to manipulate my entire back/torso region and I wasn’t sure what she wanted. She tired and tried to lift me up but since I probably weigh twice as much as she does, she could barely twist me and chattered away to anther masseuse with an annoyed sounding voice. She was probably saying I was a too big and not helping. After figuring out what she was doing, I aided her by lifting my self up so she could twist my back. Wow! I’ve never heard my back crack like that.

Overall, I was very impressed with the massage. I’ll definitely do it again. I told Timi about and she’s jealous of the price. Who wouldn’t be? When Timi comes to visit me in April she plans on getting a massage every day! Well, at least that is what she says.

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13 Responses to “My First Full Body Massage (But not that kind, you dirty person you!)”

  1. Timi Says:

    I forgot to ask: Were there women at the massage parlor? Are the rooms coed?

  2. nmcutler Says:

    The rooms are co-ed and there were both white women and Vietnamese women in the room I was in. C

  3. Kt Says:

    What was the place called?

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    i always get a foot massage coz i find it very relaxing and soothing`;”

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